‘Psychic Raptors of Lust’ – Book Review

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Ok, You know what your getting into with this from the title and cover. Here’s the summary. Scientist woman working on time travel experiment. Vaguely distracted by husband leaving her the same day she’s going to run the experiment. Suddenly…Raptors. I could go more into it but…you’ll just have to witness it for yourself. Its dumb but fun.

 

4/10

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‘Child of God’ – Book Review

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Damn you Cormac McCarthy, Your a sick son of a B. I thought Blood Meridian was awful then you go and give me this. And for some reason I love it. Child of God is about a reclusive hillbilly that spirals further and further down the path of evil, and madness. Cormac always holds me breathless with his novels. Filled with violence and human degradation and you think it would get old but they never do. I think he has said at one point that violence and human degradation are conditions of life. Reading through his books makes it difficult to argue against him. The only flaw I could think of is that Cormac could’ve flesh out the story a bit more. It might have to do with the fact that this was one of his first book.Still parts of the climax didn’t grab a hold of me compared to his other books. Besides that, this book was still great. There were moments where I was genuinely laughing out loud. Cormac had a very Coen Brothers style of humor that I never expected of him. He somehow has the ability to turn awful, degenerated human qualities into poetry. Granted the poetry is darker than an abyss but it comes off as poetry nonetheless. This book is dark, gruesome and at times just plain wrong But damn if it isn’t a good read. If you have the stomach for it give this book a shot.

8/10

 

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‘Maple Doughnut Bacon Burger’ – Food Review

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Look at this Delicious monstrosity…Do you see this? Imagine actually having it. Because I have and I’m still alive today to tell about it. First off this burger is exactly how you imagine it would be. Delicious and horrifying. But before I go into that, let me tell you why I decided to go through and create this.

Now I’ve seen these on the news, online, heck even at a ball game once. But I was always scared to try one for the sake of my health. Years go down the road and it got to the point where I’m leaving my late twenties. So my body, soul, and mind said unanimously, “Fuck it I’m gonna have this”. It was pretty easy I got everything I needed at the grocery store even the maple doughnuts. (I also recommend microwaving the doughnuts for ten seconds to make the meal ever more epic’er) now if you read my other food reviews then you know whats up. I’m a sucker for over the top meals. However this was the first time my body was like, “bro I can’t take anymore of this”

Throughout the whole process I felt like I was Frankenstein and the burger was my monster. while my stomach was the townsfolk with pitchforks. Putting it simply this burger was incredible. I haven’t tasted anything this good in…well probably this whole year. But then came to the digestion of this demon burger and…my god. I thought I was having diabetes, a heart attack, and a liver shutdown from this thing. This was worst then taco bell. My stomach literally felt like it had a brick inside it. Thankfully after an hr and a quick rush to the bathroom it was no problem. But still I felt like a victim in the ‘Alien’ series. Then again it may have been on my part because I’m not the best cook. Perhaps I didn’t cook the beef right or the bacon. In any case I’m sort of conflicted if the taste was worth putting my body through this. Right now I think it was but if i look back on this when I’m an older man with grandkids on my lap asking me what I did when I was young. Well I might not bring this up and I will contemplate about it through my wise and ancient mind that making this wasn’t worth it.

If you come across this in a restaurant or if you plan on making this on your own. I recommend sharing it with someone, maybe a few people. Because taking this thing on your own could be a challenge. Don’t get me wrong it was freaking out of this world. But prepare yourself for the aftermath of it though.

8/10

 

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‘Green Room’ – Movie Review

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Green Room is a well crafted cinematic torture machine in the best possible way. The premise will make some cringe while making others giddy: A punk band, trapped in a club in the middle of nowhere, has to fight off a bunch of murderous skinheads to get out.  The idea sounds like something out of a Tarantino film but director Jeremy Saulnier creates a grungy, concept with artistry shock and awe.gr2

What makes this movie not fall under the ‘grindhouse’, B-horror flicks is the cast and characters. Anytime an intense situation arises in this film the characters react as if it was real. When someone gets murdered or when someone kills in self defense whether its the good guys or the bad ones they react in horror, and sometimes disgust. All the actors are great in this movie but Anton Yelchin (RIP) and Patrick Stewart shine above everyone else. Who ever thought Professor X could be so menacing in this movie.

This movie has barely any flaws. As the story progresses it turns more into a thriller then a horror one. Which I was a bit disappointing because I thought this would be a pure horror film but it really didn’t matter because the film still kicked ass. The story also sort of hiccuped for me during the final act, for it seemed a bit rushed. But outside of that this movie was pulse binding. Honestly I have never had such an adrenaline rush like this in the theaters since…ever. Maybe Dark Knight or seeing a new star wars movie in over a decade. But those were for a few minutes or for certain scenes. Green Room however kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the entire film. Which is rare and an incredible accomplishment.

Green Room never tries to be anything more than what it is. A brilliantly gory, incredibly well directed thrill ride that I enjoyed from start to finish. The acting performances, especially from Yelchin and Stewart are excellent, and though this is more of a thriller movie then a horror one. Its still one of the best movies I have seen this year.

9.5/10

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‘Let Us Prey’ – Movie Review

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Wow! this movie was a real surprise for me. “Let Us Prey” is a UK/Irish horror film that is available right now on Netflix (In the US at least). The plot of “Let Us Prey” is pretty predictable however the  writer/director Brian O’Malley nevertheless delivered a compelling, and brutal atmospheric horror/thriller. Straight from the eerie opening sequences where Liam Cunningham from ‘Game of Thrones’ appears. Along withan army of black birds,  you’ll immediately realize that O’Malley has to be a lover of the horror genre and it definitely shows. Also the script borrows all kind of ideas and elements from different horror sub genres, from 70’s grindhouse to psychological horror movies and even the slashers from the 80/90’s.

The acting in this movie is pretty solid. Liam Cunningham essentially nails his role. He’s  well-cast as the mysterious stranger who arrives to this remote Irish community. Not wanting to give to much away Liam essentially is a force of nature in this film and It’s up to the main character Rachel Heggie, on her very first night at a new location, to deal with the chaos that suddenly surfaces.

The film feels like a demonic version of one of John Carpenter’s movies. Even the main song and bits of the soundtrack sound like something straight out of “The Thing”. I know some people would be annoyed by that but i personally enjoyed it. As for the violence/gore, well there is a lot of it but then again your watching a horror movie so its no surprise. The special effects and make-up art are impressive and there’s  some cool scenes that go along with the effects. The primarily problem with this movie is the plot though. There are several cliche’s in this film that will make you roll your eyes. Also there are a couple of absurd loops near the end, including one of the most derailed serial killer’s in recent movie history. There will be moments you will sit there and say, “Really?” as your watching. Moments where they could’ve easily solved a situation but went further down the rabbit hole of murder/madness. Still this movie is pretty good. Cunningham is great and the rest of the cast are solid as well, including the main female actresses such as Pollyanna McIntosh and Hanna Stanbridge. If your not squeamish towards gore I say give this move a watch. Especially for horror fans in particular. If you like horror/thrillers then you should definitely check this one out. It may not be that scary but its still a fun ride.

 

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7/10

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Desiigner – ‘New English” Album Review

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‘Desiigner’ is a up and coming rapper who took the whole music industry by storm with his Panda single. Music listeners watch with curiosity what he would do next after ‘Panda’. And what ‘Desiigner’ proved was that he was a ‘Future’ clone. Now granted I’m not a big Future fan but I can at least respect him for the style he uses in the world of hip-hop. Its one thing to take ideas from musicians that inspired you. But its another thing entirely when you rip off there entire style and frankly I have no respect for that. This whole album sounds like something ‘Future’ would do except if every song was poorly made.

Everything feels rushed and half-ass. There are fourteen tracks on this monstrosity and only two good songs and unfortunately one of them is Panda. For someone whose been copying ‘Future”s style,  New English sounds like a watered down version of ‘Future’. 

The only real plus on this album is the instrumentals. The beats are killer and theirs no denying that. Actually ‘Pusha T’s’ verse was pretty good too. So there are two things that are good with this album. Besides those two positives this album is awful. Which is upsetting because I was interested in what ‘Desiigner’ had to offer. And Apparently he didn’t have anything good to offer.

This album is sloppy. It feels like a mess from beginning to end. I don’t know what was going through desiigner’s head when he was making this project. And it stinks because he had potential to be a good musician. Now there’s a big possibility that he might be a one hit wonder at this rate.

3/10

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‘Outcast, Vol. 2’ – Comic Book Review

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Outcast, By Robert Kirkman known for Walking Dead created another horror series that leans more on The Exorcist then zombies. The main character Kyle has been plagued by demonic possession for most of his life. In light of recent revelations, he finally feels like he’s starting to piece together the answers he’s looking for. That is basically the premise of the first book.

And Unfortunately it’s also the premise for this book as well. Still it may not be as great as the first volume I’m still happy with this series. The art in this book is still fantastic. I continue to get creepy vibes from the villains of this series. Also the whole atmosphere of this book is very shady and keeps me enthralled into the story. I’m now invested into these characters. There are characters in this book where I feel sorry for them and then a little later I actually laugh at there antics. Its what Robert Kirkman is known for. He truly knows how to write great characters. His talents in storytelling is a different story (oh god i can’t believe i did this) all together.

The first half of this book is very slow and you don’t really learn much in this volume. When the two main characters continue to visit possessed people we still don’t get any answers. Granted its the intention of the story. But when it drags out for a whole volume it becomes a disappointment almost like Kirkman’s dragging his feet on the narrative. However the book does pick up on the last two issues in the volume and it really has me hyped for what comes next.

Outcast, Vol. 2: A Vast And Unending Ruin is a good book. Nothing special but its still good. The story moves slowly, but most of the second half of this volume was amazing and the story should be leaning more toward some action and answers soon.

 

 

7/10

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Batman: Detective Comics Vol. 1: Faces of Death – Book Review

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This book is one of the biggest disappointments I’ve read in a long time. I’ll get straight into this. So the first issue was pretty good and had a neat idea/narrative towards the Joker. But after the first issue though this volume goes downhill faster then a fat man falling off a hill with dumbells in his pockets.

Detective Comics as a title sounds like something that would showcase the crime. A story that would have a theme around solving a mystery with the quality of Batman. What we get however is a story, where all he did was employ violence every step of the way. It was incredibly disappointing seeing this go on and on as the book continued. What’s worse is that this wasn’t the biggest flaw.

The biggest flaw of this book was the characters. vr7gpyI don’t care about anyone in the story, heroes or villains alike, because I don’t understand the motivations driving them to make the choices that they make. Then there is the dialogue. Good God the fucking dialogue is so bad. I’m just going to spoil it. This scene right here ruined the book for me. I couldn’t read the rest of the issue until a day later. I had to physically recover from this awful pun.

The only real redeemable factor here is the art. There is no denying how well it is. Yet its not enough to make this volume good.

Even though this book looks good it doesn’t have a decent story line. It’s just a mishmash of villains with Batman chasing after them to no real purpose. It’s just a series of things that happen and they don’t feel connected or that they’re going anywhere new. Compared to Scott Snyder’s “Court of Owls” with its combination of focused original story line, taut writing and great art, and “Faces of Death” comes off as amateurish, bland and sloppy.

 

3/10

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‘Archie vs Predator’ Comic review

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LOOK AT THIS! THIS IS REAL AND ITS AMAZING! Archie vs Predator is one of those books that you didn’t know you needed in your life until you read it. This book is everything you wish for. 50’s nostalgia versus 80’s nostalgia, the eternal teenagers versus a killer alien.Filled with a high body count, cheesy/awesome one-liners,.self-aware, and utter  train-wreck of amazingness. But whats amazing is that this train-wreck is very controlled and its steered toward your enjoyment. Alex de Campi and Fernando Ruiz manages to keep just enough of the overly sweet feel of Archie in this blood-soaked comic. Imagine if “The Walking Dead” and Marvel’s “Wizard of Oz” series horrifically mesh together. This is essentially what you get and it still comes off appealing.

The only real drawback I could see in this book was from the first issue. It builds up a bit slow in the opening. But man when it gets going it REALLY gets going. Besides that I had a blast with this book. Obviously this isn’t for everyone. Fans who hate violence but are fans of Archie might want to steer away from this. Lets face it though, from the title alone you know what your getting yourself into. This is hands down one of the most bizarre and hilariously-amazing things to come out of comic books  a long time from any publisher and I urge everyone to at least give this a shot.

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9/10

 

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‘Aquaman Vol 2: The Others” Comic Book Review

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Eh. That’s what this book had me feel. Which is a shame because Aquaman is a vastly underrated superhero in general. There are so many potential story lines that could work for this character and there a lot of great ones that he is in as well such as the previous volume. But this volume made me want more of a…aquaman-ish feel to it.

I don’t know. I guess this volume was entertaining in the action sense. The problem is that it didn’t go the direction I thought it was going to. From the last trade that there was going to be a big hunt for Atlantis and it was hyped up so much that you couldn’t help but get excited. It was going to be sweet, secret reveals and watery epicness.

Instead I got the back story of a C rated super hero team I don’t really know or care about. They felt like one off characters that everybody else makes fun of. And it was kind of thrown in your face as well. Still, there were a lot of fight/actions scenes that made up for it. And Black Manta was amazing in this. I’ll admit it was a pretty epic way to introduce a classic Aquaman villain. However near the end of the book everything sort of felt bland and tiring. Also I swear to god if I ever see the whole ‘I need to do this alone’ routine in a comic book story again i’m gonna lose it. Granted there are really good stories that have used this particular theme. But it definitely doesn’t work with Aquaman and hopefully I wont see this theme/plot idea show up ever again in these volumes.  This series still has potential  to be a really great series. But this arc doesn’t live up to those expectations yet.

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5/10

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